EM Resources / Newsletter / Life Skills
"Your mind is your instrument. Learn to be its master and not its slave." - Unknown Article #1) MeditationAccording to the wikipedia meditation usually refers to a state in which the body is consciously relaxed and the mind is allowed to become calm and focused. Several major religions include ritual meditation; however, meditation itself need not be a religious or spiritual activity. Most of the more popular systems of meditation are of Eastern origin, though various forms of Christian, Jewish and Muslim meditation exist. Meditation is now being used as a way to lower blood pressure, improve exercise performance in people with angina, help people with asthma breathe easier, relieve insomnia and generally relax the everyday stresses of life. Meditation is a safe and simple way to balance a person's physical, emotional, and mental states. It is simple and can benefit everybody. The goal of meditation can vary for each individual, and range from spiritual enlightenment, to the transformation of attitudes, to better cardiovascular health. Personally speaking when I meditate for 20 minutes in the morning my day seems much more peaceful. I tend not to let the small things bother me as much. Give it a try remember it takes 21 days to create a habit. Give it a shot. Article #2) Wooo-hoo! Date Night!Like I have mentioned before I am no Dr. Laura. However, I do know relationships take time, effort, and understanding. I heard the following joke from a patient of mine and thought I would share it with you. Tom and his wife Grace were attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication. The instructor said, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it, honey?" The rest of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop right here. Kinda cute. Now, what about you? Are you in a relationship? If so, are you on the court playing full out? Or are you more like a spectator, sitting in the stands watching the game (your relationship) transpire, not participating in the game. I know I have caught myself being a spectator a time or 100, and I can tell you from experience it just doesn't work. Relationships are about growing together and contributing to each other. So how about a "date night". This is a night that is set aside for just the two of you to enjoy. Pick a day! Whether it is Wednesday or every other Friday. Any night you agree upon will do. Now make a game out of it. On one night you get to create the date. Set up what you are doing, where you are going, what atmosphere you want to create, basically the whole shebang. On the next date night your significant other gets to set up the entire date. Why does this work? Well, for a couple of reasons. First, one person gets to create something special for their significant other. Time and thought must go into planning the night. Secondly, the other person gets to look forward to the evening. Knowing that someone is doing something special for them will undoubtedly put the person in a better mood and the relationship will grow. It will grow because when you give love, you receive love. Bottom line! In addition, you can leave out the conversation which can lead to arguments, "What do you want to do tonight?" "Uh, I don't know, what do you want to do?". That isn't very inspiring and I know I have had that conversation way too many times. Anyway, give it a shot and let me know how it works for you. If you are single, put it in your memory bank for future reference! Good luck and happy dating! Article #3) The Power of Emotions!Emotions are amazing, wouldn't you agree? How many emotions have you experienced in the last 24 hours; maybe joy, love, frustration, resentment, jealousy, or guilt? Emotions are powerful; they can be wonderful or disastrous. Emotions can fuel World Wars or create harmony, build loving relationships or destroy them, cause someone to lose a million dollars in Vegas or propel you to practice monetary frugality, cause weight loss or weight gain. Emotions drive how we feel about all situations in our life. I often times ask people "do you have control of your emotions or do your emotions have control of you?" This is an important distinction. Once you experience your emotions and learn from them you will increase your level of fulfillment and create more positive outcomes. The Dalai Lama suggests "As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery... we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the source of peace and happiness." Our emotions do serve a purpose. Understanding and managing our emotions help us to grow as individuals. They serve as an opportunity to learn. For instance, if you are experiencing guilt or frustration over not exercising or not being kind to a loved one, the feeling of guilt can be used as a catalyst to change your behavior. Listen to your body. Listen to your inner self. Many times people avoid their emotions and this is not healthy. You should experience them. However, if they are not serving you or helping to empower you a change may be necessary. Below are three steps that you can follow to help create emotions that empower.
"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion." ~Dale Carnegie Once you realize everyone is an emotional being you can cut yourself some slack and enjoy the ups and downs life has to offer. Without the lows there wouldn't be the highs. I can only imagine the fear, frustration and sadness one experiences when they are told they have cancer. Rising up and taking life on after that experience is an amazing feat. For Dyani, reaching the summit of the highest point in Africa will probably stir many emotions and I hope she embraces them all. Embrace emotion that is what makes the world go round. Article #4) Emotions and InvestingKelly and I recently met with a financial planner a couple of weeks ago to figure out what to do with our income. It was a positive experience. I know it can be unnerving to talk to someone about your finances. Think about it, don't you become just a bit uneasy when someone asks you how much money you make? It would be easier to answer how much you weigh or how your relationship is going, but to answer questions about your financial situation that is unacceptable. I believe that this stems, in part, from the emotions we attach to how we feel and view money. We don't want to look bad to other people or admit to ourselves we need to clean up this area of our life. Therefore we tend to sweep it under the rug and ignore our financial situation. However, don't kid yourself. Putting blinders on to your financial health, good or bad, will create more stress in your life. That stress can affect your relationships, your health, your job and any number of areas of your life. This is not the time to let pride get in the way of attaining financial freedom. For me meeting with our financial planner relieved financial fears. We outlined a detailed list of our debts, assets and income. Then our financial planner addressed our short term goals such as our wedding, mid range goals such as children, and long term goals such as retirement. He then asked when we would like to retire and how much of a monthly income we would like to have. Once this was determined he created a couple of options for us. Each option proposed, outlined how much money we should be saving every month, where to put it (in a stock, bond, or mutual fund), and what we can expect with inflation over the years. You might be saying "I don't even know what a stock, bond or mutual fund is." You're in the right place; I'll give you a brief explanation of each of them. Stocks are equity securities. Meaning when you buy a stock, you own part of the company and can share in its growth. A stock represents a share of ownership in a corporation; in other words, a claim on earnings and assets. When you buy a stock and the company is successful, you can profit in two ways: the stock may increase in value, or the company can pass its profits to you in the form of dividends. A great example of profit sharing through dividends is REI's dividend program. If the company fails, you can lose all of your money; however, you are not liable for the debts of the company. Bonds are debt securities. When you buy a bond, you have lent money to a company, municipality, or government agency. The issuer agrees to repay you on a specific maturity date and typically pays you interest in the interim. The term of the loan is usually longer than a year, sometimes much longer. If the issuer fails, you can lose the money owed you. Unlike stockholders, bondholders have no ownership privileges. A mutual fund is a company that invests in a portfolio of securities selected by a professional investment adviser to meet a specified goal. Investors who buy mutual fund shares are its owners or shareholders. Their purchases provide the money for the fund to buy securities such as stocks or bonds, whose value can rise or fall. The fund passes any dividends, interest, or profits on the sale of its portfolio securities, less fund expenses, to shareholders in the form of distributions. What do you do with stocks, bonds and mutual funds? You invest in them and hopefully earn compound interest which will make you money. A good place to begin investing is with your work. If your company offers a retirement plan, such as a 401K or a Simple IRA see what you can do to become enrolled in this program. A good rule of thumb is to put ten percent of your paycheck into retirement. If it is taken out of your paycheck, you won't even know it's missing and you can watch your retirement grow. A 401 K is a defined contribution plan offered by a corporation to its employees, which allows employees to set aside tax-deferred income for retirement purposes, and in some cases employers will match their contribution dollar for dollar. Taking a distribution of the funds before a certain specified age will trigger a penalty tax. Another option is a Roth IRA, which is a modified individual retirement account in which a person can set aside after-tax income up to a specified amount each year. Earnings on the account are tax-free, and tax-free withdrawals may be made after age 59 and a 1/2. Now you have some basic information on different funds and retirement options it is time to get busy. I want you to ask yourself the following questions; do you manage your money rationally? Do you have a plan to pay off your debt? Do you have a retirement plan? Are you communicating with your significant other about where you are and where you are going together financially? If the answer to any of the previous questions was no, then it is time to take action. Again, I highly recommend seeking out an expert in the field of financial planning. It is their job to help you create financial goals and a plan of action. If you choose to venture forth on your own then first start by creating your goals and then outline the actions necessary to reach those goals. If you stick to your plan then you can avoid the pitfalls of managing your money emotionally. Plan your work and work your plan! Good luck! Article #5) Financial FreedomHave you ever heard the following quote? "The average American is busy buying things he doesn't want with money he doesn't have to impress people he doesn't like." ~ O. Donald Olson How true is that? I know I have been caught in that cycle. I remember when I purchased my first new vehicle. This was only a couple of years ago. It was a Dodge Ram, quad cab, 345 horse-power Hemi engine, with 20 inch bling-bling rims, Infinity stereo systems, and a rumble when you punched the accelerator that made you vibrate just enough to make you drool. Ok maybe I'm exaggerating. The point is I was infatuated and just had to have it. So, in one hour I signed the papers and I was out the door with my new truck. Then I made the rounds, I mean I had to pick up all my friends and take them for a spin in my new ride. I was so proud, for about three weeks. Once I realized I was averaging only 8.8 mpg in town, I didn't really need the 345 hp engine. I mean I'm only hauling my skis up to the mountain, not a trailer full of cattle or construction equipment. Buyer's remorse sunk in and I was not sleeping. I was tired of visiting the Chevron station every couple of days, so back to the dealer I went and traded my truck in. Yep, I took a pride swallowing gulp, and about a $3,000 hit. I learned a pricey lesson. Don't buy on emotions! Don't buy to look good to others! With the holidays coming up, marketing campaigns are everywhere stirring up emotions that cause us to buy, buy, and buy some more. The questions to ask yourself are can you afford it? Do you need it? Will it create stress in your life? Do yourself a favor; create a budget for the next couple of months. Our society is a credit society. Purchase on your credit card and pay it back later. This can create unwanted stress in your life, in your relationships, in your health and energy. Sit down and write out your financial goals for the holidays. Article #6) Five Tips to Holiday Savings
Article #7) Pursuit of HappinessThe words "the pursuit of happiness" should sound familiar to you, as it is part of one of the greatest written works of our time. Representatives of the Thirteen Colonies, announcing their separation from Great Britain, adopted The Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, creating the United States. The duty of drafting this document given to several great men and the writing of this document entrusted to Thomas Jefferson between June 11 and June 28, 1776. The words are some of the most powerful ever written. And to this day, over 200 years later, these words still hold powerful meaning. The second paragraph of the Declaration of Independence states: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." What does the "the pursuit of happiness" mean? First of all, happiness is something that is not a given in our lifetime. For many people it is a struggle to be happy. Being in an unfulfilled relationship, not growing on a mental level, not having a sense of contribution to society, or feeling stuck can all lead to depression, frustration or sadness. How many books have been published on "how to be happy"? Plenty, I can tell you that much. What then do people do to be happy? Any number of things, some are constructive, some are destructive. Some people may have an affair to find happiness, others may quit a job and go back to school, some may finally start working out, some may take an antidepressant, and others still may go to the mall and buy some new clothes to be happy. Which is the correct action to take to be happy and fulfilled? I'll leave that for you to decide, but ask yourself these questions, is your action good for you, is it good for those around you and does it improve your current situation. If your answer is yes, yes and yes you have a winner. If not you may want to try a different course of action. I have an exercise for you to complete. Take a moment to think about those things in life that make you happy. Maybe a smile on a child's face, maybe accomplishing some task, traveling, exercising, cooking, playing an instrument, telling your spouse how much you love them despite your differences, helping out someone in need. Get out a piece of paper and make as many columns as you have life categories defined (activity from previous article; see tip #1). For example, you might have a column titled career, health/fitness, and/or relationships. After each one of your defined headings, I want you to write what you want to accomplish in the next five years. Be specific. For your relationships, do you want an open line of communication, an accepting, loving, vulnerable relationship with your significant other? For your health and fitness do you want to run the Boston Marathon, have a body fat of 15%, lower your cholesterol to 150 or have the energy to take your kids or grandkids hiking or skiing? What about your career? Do you want to go back to school to become a nurse, lawyer, hair stylist, teacher or landscaper? What ever it is write down what you want. Now write down why you want it. Is it going to make you feel happy or maybe successful? Now imagine that you have everything that you want. How do you feel? I can imagine that you would feel pretty darn good. Here's the kicker. I want you to be happy, fulfilled, successful and/or excited today knowing you are working toward those things. You don't have to wait until you are in the career of your life to be successful or happy, you don't have to wait until you make your first million dollars to be happy and you certainly don't need to wait until you are down to 10% body fat to be happy. Be present to what you do have today, focus on the great things around you and be happy right now as if you have already accomplished your goals. As long as you are taking action toward your goals and going in the direction you want, there is nowhere else to be in life. Now, go and enjoy the every minute of your life journey! I recently went to the movie The Pursuit of Happyness. I thoroughly enjoyed it, I'm no Ebert and Roeper, but I thought Will Smith did a great job portraying the daily struggles of life while pursuing happiness. Check it out it is very inspiring! In the mean time complete the above exercise and see what happens for you. Good luck! BE happy. Article #8) Have You Created Your Annual Budget?Part II of our series on finances deals with a budget. Do you have one? If not it's time to make one and if you do are you using it? Starting the year off on the right foot with a solid financial budget can relieve much stress for the remainder of the year. Have you heard of the phrase, plan your work and work your plan. That is the purpose of a budget; it gives you a plan or a reference to work from. There is no need to be neurotic about your budget. Once you have it working for you, it should be easy to follow. When it comes to money, you got what you got and you don't got what you don't got. It's that simple. To begin your financial planning, check out the link to a sample budget at the end of this article, which you can fill out for yourself. Once you have created your budget, now you can set some financial goals for yourself. What would you like to save for, maybe an upcoming wedding (that would be me), a down payment for a house, a trip to Europe, college for the kids or maybe retirement. Be sure to set short term goals that work toward long term goals. For instance, you might save $30 a week (short term) for your vacation in Hawaii next year (long term). I recently heard the average American spends 10 percent more than they make. That means if your household makes $100,000 dollars a year, you are spending $110,000. How can that be? Buying on credit is the culprit. If you have $10,000 dollars in credit card debt at 20% interest that means you will pay $166 dollars in interest alone each month. That is just not necessary. Take the time to create a budget; it will create much less stress. Once you have your budget, stick to it. Get rid of the credit cards and stick to it. Set time aside for 30 minutes once a week to review your spending and saving to make sure you are working your plan. This will ensure you have your money working for you instead of you working for your money. Have fun creating your budget! Article #9) Wake Up as if it Were on Purpose!Your life's purpose is a journey that only you can unfold. I recently climbed Mt. Baker near Bellingham, WA. Mt. Baker is a volcano which reaches an elevation of 10,778 feet, snow covered and glaciated year round. It was a stunningly beautiful evening the night of my climb. Snow capped mountain peaks rising above a blanket of clouds against a backdrop of orange, red, and purple colors radiating on the horizon. Words hardly do the experience justice! One of the things I love about climbing is the feeling of being in the moment. It seems as if all my worries magically disappear. I am away from life's distractions so I'm not concerned about my mortgage payment, my upcoming dentist appointment, my work, my business or if my girlfriend is upset with me (which of course she never is). How could I be concerned? My thigh muscles are aching in the effort of this experience and the views are spectacular. I'm in the moment and in that moment I find myself contemplating life, being the deep thinker that I am. It amazes me to think that Mt. Baker has been in the making for over a 1/2 million years. It is going to be around long after I have left this world. And in the mountain's immense shadow, I experience a feeling of insignificance and smallness in the grand scheme of life. This perspective drives me to think about why I am here on earth for such a short period of time compared to that mountain. Why am I here? I know I have been blessed with an appreciation of the human body and how it works; I am good at "reading" people and communicating with them. I am using these talents to fulfill what I believe my purpose is, which is to educate, train, and inspire others to attain optimal well being in life. I get so fired up and excited when I see people accomplish their goals in life, whatever they may be. To be a part of that experience is extremely rewarding for me. At the end of the day, when all is said and done I want to be remembered as a loving friend, who cared for people, encouraged others to see their talents and apply them physically as well as in relationships and life. How do I do this? I do this by holding true to my values. I value health, loving friendships, integrity, and being of service. Don't get me wrong I'm no saint, I've made many mistakes in my life when I let my values "slide". However, my poor judgment has led to many life experiences, and taught me many lessons which hopefully will lead to good judgment and a greater understanding of the importance of my values. "I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." - Albert Schweitzer Think about that for a moment. All of us can easily get caught up in life's day to day experiences. While the experience of getting the kids up in the morning, running off to work, meetings, social obligations, worrying about the upcoming bills, having to go to the grocery store, cleaning the house, doing yard work, running the kids to an event, cooking dinner, cleaning up, and putting the kids to bed can be enjoyable and exciting, some times you just want to beat your head against the wall. At least I do. Some days I feel as if I wake up behind the 8-ball and to just remember to take a shower is an accomplishment, let alone think about my life's purpose. Some days it isn't any wonder why we aren't fulfilled. It seems as if when we get caught up in the day to day grind we lose track of why we are here, and what purpose we have. Do we really take time to recognize the joy in the smallest experiences, such as the hot water that I'm able to take my shower with? Remember in the game of life, there is no finish line. Let me say that again, there is no finish line. Each moment is an opportunity for you to live your purpose and enjoy it. How do you get started in defining your purpose in life? How do you help to unfold a purposeful journey in life? You might start by making a list of the things that you are really good at and enjoy doing. What talents do you have that are special? What things do you do for others that excite you? Now make a list of things you do for others without expecting anything in return. Explore these options. Do you meditate or pray? Do you believe in a higher power, such as God? If so start exploring what this truly means to you and what part this plays in your life. "Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you." - Emerson Identify what you are great at, what specific talents you posses, then use those talents to serve and help other people and also recognize where these talents are already servicing others. Like your family and friends. When you do this you are on your way to living a purposeful life and being fulfilled. And remember to "wake up as if it were on purpose!" - Unknown Article #10) Vacation ExpectationsVacations can be wonderful experiences to rejuvenate the mind, body and spirit. I was fortunate enough to take a trip of the lifetime to Europe with my fiancée, Kelly, a couple of months ago. One of the most memorable experiences was staying in Cinque Terra, Italy. The photo pictured to the left is the Cinque Terra, which stands for five villages; it is located along the northwest coast of Italy. Part of our memorable experience was walking 15 kilometers from the first village to the fifth along a mountainside covered by vineyards on one side and the clear blue sea on the other. The sights were spectacular, the smells of the ocean breeze were refreshing, and the hike itself was grueling. A trip I will never forget. "A vacation is like love—anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort and remembered with nostalgia" - Unknown The above quote cracks me up. It actually reminds me of a few vacations I've had over the years. If you have seen any of the National Lampoon's Vacation movies you can see how the above quote applies to Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase). He anticipates the family vacation for months in advance, planning out all the details of the trip, how it should go, where they should visit and how much the family will enjoy it. Undoubtedly, nothing goes according to plan and everyone ends up arguing and frustrated. For instance, the time the Griswald's drove all the way to Walley World amusement park just to find it is closed for two weeks due to repairs. The expectations that Clark Griswald had were quickly crushed. His frustration led to yelling at the family and eventually punching the moose, at the entrance to the park, in the face. Creating memories is what vacations are all about. Whether good or bad, years later these memories will most likely prompt a chuckle or two. I'm sure if you take a moment to think about a favorite memory from a vacation of yours it may not have matched up to the expectations you had. Our ability to give up expectations creates a space for enjoying whatever presents itself. I'm going to say this again, because it is a principle that stands true in all aspect of life. The ability to give up expectations about how things should go or how things should be creates a space for freedom and ease. Expectations are thoughts we create in our mind about how things should be or how things should go. What does this do? It can lead to frustration and upset when things don't go "our way". Do you know what I'm talking about? When our significant other doesn't do something we expect them to do it can lead to frustration and resentment. We may choose to give them the cold shoulder or start an argument and they have no idea why. However, in our minds, in our world, it is glaringly obvious. Too bad our significant other couldn't read our minds to find out what they are expected to do, it would create much less stress and fewer arguments in any relationship! I want you to do the following:
Using the three questions above as a guide, I want you to try something. I want you to give up any expectations you may have defined for any situation. A family activity, vacation, a date, a conversation that you have to have with someone who is frustrating you; let go of your expectations and relish in the positive results. Remember that being frustrated or upset only happens because what happens doesn't match up to what you envisioned in your mind. Our unfulfilled expectations can be the source of our frustrations. While you are on vacation this summer, enjoy the experience for what it is. When you can't change the situation you are in, let it go, laugh at it, shrug it off, say "oh well", for someday it will be a memory you share with your friends and family. Article #11) Wear a Smile—One Size Fits All!What's in the power of a smile or a laugh? Smiling is one of the most recognized forms of beauty, friendship, acceptance, and goodwill. A smile can lower the blood pressure of everyone who sees it. A smile exercises fourteen different facial muscles and can even lengthen your life. That's a lot of payback for something that's so easy to do - and it's free! I don't know about you, but it lights me up on the inside when I see friends, family, loved ones, and even complete strangers wearing a big ear-to-ear smile. It's amazing the impact a smile can have on those around us. I like the quote: Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile. ~Author Unknown Laughter, like smiling, relieves stress and improves our immune system. Laughing has been described as an internal jog; massaging our inner organs and giving them a workout. When we laugh our blood pressure goes up and then comes down. We also stretch our lungs, relax our chests, and breathe easier. Laughter causes our bodies to release neurochemical compounds which are associated with an improved mood. When we can laugh at something, we change our perspective and our attitude. It is hard to have a grumpy outlook when laughing. As we laugh, we momentarily distract ourselves from our problems and, perhaps, even from our physical discomfort. Life just seems to get better when we laugh. How frequently do you laugh? When life seems to be going a million miles an hour and you are stressed out, try taking a step back and looking at the humor going on around you. Take a breath. Smile. Chuckle, giggle, laugh, laugh out loud and see what happens. Article #12) Changing HabitsBad habits are like a soft bed, easy to get into and hard to get out of. What kind of habits do you have right now? If you think about it you probably have some good habits and you probably have some bad. The key is to identify which habits have a negative impact on your life or even someone else's life. These are the habits that you should focus on changing. I'm going to go out on a very short limb and guess you may have tried changing a habit in the past and maybe it didn't work out for you. Whether it was to quit smoking, start an exercise program, begin praying or meditating, make a date night with your significant other, or just make the bed in the morning. Many of us simply don't have enough motivation to change our habits. Most experts agree it takes 21 days to break a bad habit and create a new one. I'm going to give you a little guidance that will help you change those habits that are detrimental into ones that are beneficial. However, before I do grab a pen and some paper. Go on, do it now, this article isn't going anywhere. Now write down what habit or habits you would like to change. Next I want you to write down why you want to change them. What negative impact is this habit having on your life? What will it cost you in your future if you don't change this habit? How will it affect your relationships, health, spirit, and career? Write it down. Did you do it? Good! Next I want you to write down how your life will improve once you substitute the bad habit with a good one. Now what will the impact be on your future? How will it affect your relationships, health, spirit, and career? Write it down. Now that you have completed this exercise it is time to take some action. First, share with someone close to you what habit you are going to change and why you want to change it. Let them hold you accountable to making the changes necessary to improve your life. The more people you share this with, the more momentum you will experience in changing your habit. Most importantly, you must believe you can change your habit. It's like Henry Ford says: "Whether you believe it to be true or not, you are right." Get busy believing it, your mind is an amazingly powerful tool we rarely use to its fullest potential. Start today Article #13) IntegrityWhen I think of integrity, I think of my dad. Remember that Father's Day is coming up on Sunday June 17. It is a day to either acknowledge your father or be acknowledged as a father. I don't see my dad as much as I would like, as I live in Seattle and my family lives in Iowa, however I just had the opportunity to visit my family a couple of weeks ago. The older I become the more I appreciate the lessons learned growing up. I know I was a handful as a kid; I tested my parents in many ways. I remember the time my brother and I started my grandparents calf shed on fire while my parents were on vacation, the many fights I instigated with my brother, and the curfews I missed as I got older. Yeah, I may have been partially to blame for my dad's grey hair. I now treasure the times with my family and I have come to realize the dad I didn't want to be like as a teenager is the same dad I now hope to someday be. I respect the values my dad lives each day such as integrity, responsibility, self-control and faith. All are values I appreciate more and more as I age. Without realizing it, I was fortunate to learn what integrity is through my dad. I consider him a person of integrity in his relationships, the way he has treated my mom for the past 32 years, his support of his three children and the friendships he fosters. My father has been with the same company for 24+ years, he has given 100%, rarely if ever taking a sick day. He is responsible with his finances and his faith has grown each year. Am I missing something, oh yeah health and fitness. Umm, I think that one is a work in progress; my dad loves food and may overindulge too much. However, he is active and completes a daily exercise routine. I am proud of my dad and hope to be a person of integrity just like him. What exactly is integrity? Integrity is defined as doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching. I know when I am out of integrity in my life; it leaves me with a sick feeling in my gut. When I don't do something I said I would or even if I didn't say I would do something but in my gut I should have done it. Those are times when I am out of integrity. "Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching." - Unknown Integrity encompasses each area of our life: relationships, health and fitness, career, finances, and faith. Are you doing the right thing even if nobody is watching? Are you sneaking a cookie, skipping a workout, leaving work early, arriving to work late, putting off a conversation that needs to be had and neglecting your significant other, family or friends? Often times it is easy to be in integrity with one or two areas, but when we are forced to look at each area of our life it is a different story. According to Barbara De Angelis: Living with integrity means:
You may want to revisit the goals you set in January. Have you been taking action to attain your goals? Are you being a person of integrity? If not, no worries, set some more goals, create an action plan and follow through. Check out the following address to review goal setting: http://www.experiencemomentum.org/ news_123106.html#article1 Take a moment to answer the following questions:
Do them now, that's right. Put your pen down, get up from the computer and make the call to a friend or family member. Go for a walk. Do 20 sit-ups. Finish your resume. Just take some action to regain integrity. The thing to realize about integrity is there is always going to be some area of your life that needs some cleaning up. There is nothing wrong with that, we are all busy and distracted. The point is to acknowledge where you are out of integrity and take some steps to clean up that area of your life. Being a person of integrity and acting in integrity will move you in the direction of your personal goals and dreams. For additional support, consider one of my life skills coaching programs that will create empowering habits, core values and new beliefs to create transformations. Article #14) What Is in a Word???What a woman says: "C'mon…This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do laundry now!" What a man hears: "C'MON…blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!" Kinda cute, huh? And maybe not far from the truth! Remember the old adage, you have 2 ears and 1 mouth, so we should probably listen more than we speak. If we spend most of our time talking, we spend most of our time confirming (our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs). When we listen to others, really listen, with compassion, we spend our time learning (about them and ourselves). Confirming, or talking, can be desirable, but it does not lead us forward. Only learning can do that. Three Tips to Improve Listening Skills:
Article #15) Fresh New Start!!A recent study has indicated that 85% of New Years resolutions made the first of the year are given up on by the middle of February. I have to admit, one of my goals at the beginning of the year was to floss my teeth daily. Well that lasted about 3 weeks, now I'm down to flossing 3 times a week. I'm thinking of setting a more attainable goal next year, like drinking a glass of wine or a bottle of beer a night. Just kidding, sort of. I have recommitted myself to daily flossing. I like the feeling of squeaky clean teeth! What goals did you make at the beginning of the year that have slipped to the way side? How is that exercise program going? What about that budget you were going to stick to? Did you create a date night or a family day? Spring is a great time to get focused on what matters in your life. Alright, what is one action you can do today that will improve your health? Do it. What is one action you can do that will improve a relationship? Do it. Each day make a goal to do just one thing that will improve your wellbeing. That's not asking too much is it? Article #16) March MadnessMarch Madness. If you do not follow college basketball, you may be asking, "What exactly is March Madness?" For the next month you will be inundated with commercials, through radio and television, announcing "March Madness" and you will suddenly understand what I am talking about. March Madness is a college basketball tournament that starts with 64 teams and in three weeks reduces that number to a single winner. In the world of college basketball, each team has the dream and goal of making the 64 team tournament. Once these teams have attained this first goal then they set their sights on winning it all. The fact of the matter is only one of the 64 teams will be victorious, the remaining 63 teams will be heart broken. That's part of life, having a dream, a goal. Working toward it and sometimes, often times, falling a bit short. Does that mean the dream of winning this tournament is a waste of time? Does that mean you shouldn't have dreams or goals? Does that mean you throw in the towel when the odds are stacked against you? Absolutely not! You have your dreams, you have created goals that inspire you, you understand the path you have to take to get there and then you play all out, leaving it all on the court. You do the best you can with where you are and what you have at that moment in time. And at the end of the day you will be fulfilled knowing you did your best and gave it everything you could. “There are 86,400 seconds in a day. It's up to you to decide what to do with them.” - Jim Valvano Jimmy Valvano was the head basketball coach for North Carolina State University. In 1983, Jimmy Valvano led his basketball team to victory over Houston in the NCAA Basketball Championship game. The North Carolina State team was a significant underdog as they were seeded sixth playing against number one seeded Houston. In the final second of that game, NC State made a final shot at the buzzer and defeated Houston 54 - 52. It was an amazing upset. Jim Valvano coached NC State from 1980-89. His coaching career was filled with many high and low points, from winning the NCAA championship to being accused of rules violations to keep his players eligible to play. These accusations forced Valvano to resign from the University. Even in the midst of controversy, Valvano remained one of the most beloved coaches. He is said to be a man who had a love of people and made you believe that you mattered to him even if you only shared a brief encounter. “Don't give up, don't ever give up." - Jim Valvano In 1990 after Valvano retired from coaching, he signed a broadcasting contract with ABC/ESPN and in 1992 he won the Cable ACE Award for Commentator/Analyst for NCAA Basketball. In June of 1992, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and in April of 1993 he died. From the moment he was diagnosed with cancer, he showed tremendous courage in fighting the disease. He will forever be remembered as a man who played life full out. During his lifetime, Valvano wrote three books, gave motivational speeches across the country, hosted television and radio broadcasts and created his own corporation. When asked by reporters if his outside interests limited his ability to coach he responded, "I want to do other things, learn about other professions. I refuse to limit myself to whatever boundaries you may think surround a coach's position. Very simply, I enjoy diversity." Valvano was a lifelong learner, appreciating everything life had to offer. He was respected by his peers, loved by his family and will forever be known as an inspiration to all. Before his death he created the Jimmy V foundation for cancer research which has raised over 60 million dollars since its inception. Valvano delivered one of the most inspiring speeches I have ever heard in my life. I remember I was in watching the ESPY awards with my dad and brother in March 1993; it brought me to tears. I was so inspired by the bravery he possessed and the words he spoke. Here is a portion of his speech: “To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week; you're going to have something special.” To hear an audio of Jimmy Valvano's speech copy and paste the following link and click on the "audio and mp3 of address" It is well worth your time. http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/ jimvalvanoespyaward.htm Last month I told you the story of a friend and client of mine, Dyani, who is a cancer survivor. She is raising money for cancer research as she is climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa this summer. She is an amazing woman and an inspiration to everyone around her just as Jimmy Valvano was to those he encountered. She needs your help to make it to the summit of the giant volcano. Click on the link below to read her story and support her on her climb. Article #17) Lifelong LearnerThe first day of spring is March 21. Spring is a time of growth and renewal and can be seen everywhere you look this time of year. Trees begin to bud, grass starts to grow again, my allergies kick in, birds migrate north and the first glimpses of spring flowers are visible. How about you, are you growing and learning as a person? Are you challenging yourself to become more knowledgeable, better at relationships, or staying on top of changes in your career? Are you rejuvenating yourself by attempting something new? “Being ignorant is not so much a shame, as being unwilling to learn.” ~ Benjamin Franklin Lifelong learning is more than just formal schooling. It is looking at your life and asking yourself what you can learn to improve relationships, increase your level of energy, expand your horizons or just explore a topic because you know nothing about it. Lifelong learning encompasses learning from birth to the grave through different venues and experiences. Lifelong learning embodies the saying that "It is never too late to learn something new." It is a belief and a state of mind. Adopting this attitude places you in a position to be open to new ideas, accepting of change, a willingness to learn a new skill or change your behavior. Always learning is to the brain as exercise is to the body. By being accepting of learning daily, you are conditioning your thoughts and reactions to be more flexible and objective. Learn something new this spring. Take up a new language, take a cooking class, a dance class, learn about a different religion, learn how to golf, train for a road race. Pick something out of your comfort zone and begin anew. Most importantly have fun on the journey of learning something you didn't know before. Over the course of the last four years I have taken classes at the University of Washington extension program on how to fly fish, how to sea kayak, how to write a book. In addition, I have taken private Spanish lessons and purchased a keyboard to learn how to play the piano. Granted I am by no means fluent in Spanish, I can only play jingle bells on the keyboard, haven't caught but a little sun fish in my friend's pond with a fly rod, but the experience is priceless. They have expanded my knowledge, my interest and the number of friends and contacts I have in my life. I ask myself, why wouldn't I want to continue learning to see what the world has to offer. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." - Ghandi Article #18) Thoughts are Things!Our thoughts are one of the most powerful tools we have to use in the game of life. How many times have you conjured up a story in your head about something that might happen at your job, in a relationship, or with your health that never actually takes place? I know I do this almost daily. Unfortunately thoughts about things that have yet to occur or which may never occur can drain us of energy, vitality, and a stand for our life. As a result, we may become filled with anxiety, nervousness, lack self-confidence or suffer feelings of depression. On the flip side have you ever had thoughts, dreams, or goals that actually happened? At one time in my life about 12 years ago I thought there was a possibility of becoming a physical therapist. It was a competitive process being accepted into a physical therapy program. Initially I had self doubts. I wasn't sure that I was smart enough or qualified enough to ever be a therapist. Fortunately, I put those thoughts out of my mind and focused on why I would be a good therapist. I set my mind toward taking the correct steps and now that I have been a therapist for 6 years it seems trivial that I was ever concerned about my career. Where I am now was once only a thought. Our choices and the circumstances we find ourselves in are in large part due to what we think! My brother gave me a birthday card years ago that included the following: The Essence of Destiny: "Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Choose your words, for they become actions. Understand your actions, for they become habits. Study your habits, for they will become your character. Develop your character, for it becomes your destiny." ~ Unknown. These words have struck a chord with me in my life. I realize the importance of thoughts in all aspects of life. Think about this for a moment. Most everything ever invented was first a thought or creation in someone's mind. The computer screen you are now reading this article on was once merely a thought, an idea. Without thoughts there would be no inventions. For that matter there would be no emotions or feelings! Where do our feelings come from? When we are feeling happy or fulfilled it is due to the thoughts we are having. Similarly when we are down in the dumps it is due to our thoughts. What thought patterns do you experience during a typical day? I find it amazing we can go to bed in a great mood, no worries or problems and yet wake up as if our dog just passed away, lost in a cranky, unsettled mood. How does this happen? And more importantly, how does this affect our life? Thoughts create our life. And our belief pattern is the foundation for our thoughts. Henry Ford put it best: "Whether you believe it to be true or not, you are right." Try changing your thought processes by changing the conversations you have with yourself throughout the day. For instance, set goals and priorities to keep your mind focused on important things. By doing so you are changing your pattern of thinking from one of worry to one of action. Be courageous. Take risks! See learning and change as opportunities not obstacles. Commit to being optimistic and positive. You will find that by making even the smallest of change in how you think about your day to day life that the result will be energizing! Article #19) Don't Forget MOM!We all have had a mother and many of you may now be a mother yourself. To understand Mother's Day and what it really means you need to understand the person in your life called "Mother". A mother is one who nurtures you in her womb for nine months and brings you forth to enjoy the supreme blessing on earth, that is, life. Remember there are no guide books on being a mother for every child, you learn as you go. Your mother is the one who takes you through infancy and turns you from a soft, helpless creature into the successful person you are today. She prides herself on watching you grow and wants every good thing to come to you. I am so fortunate to have a loving mom who raised me with unconditional love and support. Although many times I didn't realize that support was dressed as a bar of soap in my mouth, a swat on my behind, or being grounded to my room on a sunny afternoon. I guess you could say I was a challenging child at times! My mom has been a positive role model in every area of my life with the values she upholds, and I would not be the person I am today without her, so thank you mom! Mother's Day is this Sunday May 14th. Give your mom a call, send her a card, or hang out with her for the day. Give her your appreciation; let her know how much she means to you! If your mother has passed away, reflect on the lessons you've learned and the personal traits you inherited. How has she impacted your life for the better? Remember her good qualities and how the person you have become is in part due to her character passed on. Article #20) Nonverbal CommunicationRemember Mothers Day is Sunday May 13. Be sure to send your mom some flowers, a card or do something special for her. I'm sure your mom will appreciate the gesture of love and kindness. "The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said." - Peter F Drucker To be on top in life you have to be an effective communicator. I believe listening is one of the most important skills we can continually sharpen and improve upon. Remember we only have one mouth, but two ears! However, equally important is how we communicate nonverbally. Nonverbal communication is a behavior, other than written or spoken, that creates meaning for someone and makes up a high percentage of our interpersonal communication. You may be asking why this is important. It is important because nonverbal communication affects every aspect of your life and if you are not aware of how you are using these nonverbal cues, you could be sending the wrong message. Nonverbal communication often referred to as the “silent language”, can be described as two different types, body language and actions. Body language encompasses behaviors like hand gestures, body movement, posture, facial expressions, eye contact and tone of voice. Actions are those behaviors that are performed like bringing someone flowers, opening a door for someone, giving a hug etc. Both forms of nonverbal communication can share volumes of information about you, the person you are relating to and the situation. For example, a manager of a small team vocalizes continually that he is there for his team. That there isn’t anything more important than the group of people that he works with. However, he demonstrates the opposite by not serving them, fails to acknowledge their contributions or reward them for their efforts. The nonverbal message being communicated is not one of loyalty but lack of support. Actions do speak louder than words.What about in your relationship with your significant other? Are you familiar with these words “I promise to love, honor and cherish as long as we both shall live”? Thought you might be! These words set an expectation of action. Actions in this case would demonstrate respectfulness for your partner. Putting their needs first, giving a hug on a bad day, showing appreciation with a smile or gift for something that they have done for you are all forms of nonverbal communication. Body language, the use of body postures and gestures, are the most pervasive type of nonverbal messages and the most difficult to control. Body language can create a feeling of warm openness or cold rejection. For example, when someone faces us, sitting quietly with hands folded loosely in the lap, a feeling of anticipation and interest is created. A posture of arms crossed the chest portrays a feeling of inflexibility and guardedness. A smile during a conversation conveys friendliness and acceptance, whereas a frown displays discontent. "What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson Try the following technique, to convey to others that you are open, flexible and willing to engage. By practicing the gestures of this technique you will SOFTEN the hard line position of others that you are dealing with. S = Smile Four Steps to Improve Your Nonverbal Communication
Article #21) Love LanguageCommunication is imperative in every relationship you have, but it is paramount in an intimate relationship. Do you ever feel like your significant other doesn't appreciate you or doesn't know how to meet your needs? Do you ever put up a wall between you and your loved one, out of principle, and don't want to knock it down. I know if I am upset about something I usually respond by saying, I'm fine. However, my nonverbal communication is clearly saying I'm not happy right now and you are the cause of it. If I am able to be real with myself for just one moment, I realize I'm not fine the second I say "I'm fine". Fine really stands for feelings inside not expressed. One of my favorite lines from the movie "The Italian Job" states that "fine" means, "freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional". Anytime I say I'm fine I'm not, and my fiancée has caught on to me. Fortunately, for me she is very effective at communicating with me. Dr. Gary Chapman has written a book called The Five Love Languages. Chapman explains, in this book, the importance of being able to express love to your significant other in a way that they can understand. He calls this type of communicating using the five love languages. For example, you have made dinner for your significant other, because in your mind, this demonstrates you love them. However, when they arrive home and react differently than what you expected by not acknowledging your efforts you may be hurt. Your partner may not be looking for a great dinner, but an understanding and recognition that they work very hard. For your partner it is more about understanding the effort they put into work everyday and less about a thoughtful meal. An argument may ensue, unintentional words are spoken and walls are thrown up to protect oneself. And why you ask, because each person in this relationship doesn't understand what the other needs in terms of communicating love. Chapman's book does a good job of identifying how people perceive the giving and receiving of love differently. Until you understand how your significant other gives and receives love, you may be missing the boat. I believe this book will improve your relationship, give it a shot. Below is a brief outline of the five love languages. Chapman's Five Emotional Love Languages:
Article #22) What's Your Perception?One of the principles of Experience Momentum is to understand why other people think, act, and say the things they do. People may be entirely incorrect; however, in their reality they don't think so. Think of the last argument you were in. Was it with your significant other, a friend, family member, or coworker? Now think of the principle you were arguing about. Did you try to convince the other person they were wrong and you were right? Did they do the same to you? I'm going to bet money it put both of you on the defensive and you probably got nowhere. Even if you did win the argument, you probably upset them to the point where they didn't want to be near you. In essence, you didn't really win the argument now did you? What if you had taken the time to understand the other person's perspective? Why were they thinking the way they were? Why did they form the opinions they did? If you put yourself, for just two minutes, in their shoes and really tried to see things from their viewpoint I'm guessing they would be more open to hearing your take on the situation. Take a moment to read the following story: An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a very rural area. Luckily, Farmer Jones came to help with is big strong horse named Hobo... He hitched ole Hobo up to the car and yelled, "pull, Nellie, pull!" Hobo didn't move a muscle.... just flicked away a fly with his tail. Then Jones hollered out, "c'mon, pull, Davey, pull!" Again, ole Hobo didn't move. Once more the farmer commanded, "pull, Stetson, pull!" Nothing from Hobo. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "pull, Hobo. C'mon, boy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car up, out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times in a row. Wise Farmer Jones answered, "Well, ole, Hobo here is blind as a bat. If he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!" A client told me that story and it made me think. How often do we try to understand the other person's perspective? Farmer Jones understood what his horse needed. In order for them to both be successful, Farmer Jones had to approach the solution from Hobo's point of view. I can tell you from experience that conversations can become ugly in a hurry when you don't get outside of yourself and your own reality. I am a fan of Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And his fifth habit states "Seek first to understand, then to be understood". This is really the principle of approaching communication empathetically. What does this mean? It means taking into consideration, first, the experiences, beliefs and perceptions of someone else before you consider your own. For instance, I recently worked with a client who was unwilling to complete an exercise routine to improve her core stability. From my perspective she was lazy and noncompliant with her program. I became frustrated and intolerant of her unwillingness to perform the exercises. The more I told her she needed to do them, the more adamant she became about not doing them. Fortunately, I was able to catch myself from becoming more frustrated (by the way when I am frustrated it is a sure sign I am not seeing the other person's perspective). I took a step back and tried to understand why she would not want to do the exercises I recommended. I found out she had injured herself, years ago, while working with a trainer that had instructed her to perform a similar activity. Once I understood and acknowledged her concern we modified the exercise and she is now compliant with her exercises and pain free. Prior to learning to put someone else's perspective first I would try solving issues only from my own experiences and beliefs. I would have dealt with similar situations, as I shared previously, by becoming frustrated with a client and rigid in my expectations. My client would ultimately become frustrated, angry and choose not to work with me any longer. Who wins in this type of situation? Did I win the argument? Did my client? Not so much. Not only did I do a good job of creating an angry client, but they have a reduced quality of life because they are still in pain. Why did this happen? I did not get out of my reality, that everyone should be exercising, no excuses. I realized that this does not work for everyone. I realized until you truly understand the other person's point of view, keep your trap shut. Once you can honestly see where that person is coming from you can share your opinion. Next time a situation arises in which you do not agree with the other person, take a step back and practice understanding their perspective first. Your communication skills will improve, people will respect you more, and there will probably be less conflict in your life. Give it a shot, let me know how it goes! Article #23) Dreams and Goals"Dreams are goals without deadlines." ~ Unknown "I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream." ~ Martin Luther King Jr. The New Year brings a clean slate. While I'm not much of a believer in resolutions, as 85% of New Year's resolutions are given up by the middle of February, I am a believer in goals. I like the quote: "Dreams are goals without deadlines" ~ unknown. This year, Monday, January 15 is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Now there was a guy with one big dream, a goal of equality throughout the United States. He lived his passion every day. Regardless of how many times he was thrown in jail, discriminated against or told he couldn't do something. He will forever leave a legacy that speaks true to our hearts. I don't know of many people in history who had the resolve that Martin Luther King Jr. did to see his dream come to reality. I have included part of his biography from nobelprize.org to give you an idea of his vision. Whether he knew it or not, he had many inspiring goals that created a legacy to be proud of. In 1957, he was elected president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. In an eleven year period between 1957 and 1968, King traveled over six million miles and spoke over twenty-five hundred times, appearing wherever there was injustice, protest, and action. He wrote five books, as well as numerous articles on the values of nonviolent social change, equality, unconditional love and tolerance. In these years, he led a massive protest in Birmingham, Alabama that caught the attention of the entire world, providing what he called a coalition of conscience. Inspired he wrote "Letter from a Birmingham Jail", a manifesto of the Negro revolution. He planned the drives in Alabama for the registration of Negroes as voters; he directed the peaceful march on Washington, D.C., of 250,000 people to whom he delivered his address, "l Have a Dream", he conferred with President John F. Kennedy and campaigned for President Lyndon B. Johnson. Arrested upwards of twenty times and assaulted at least four; he was awarded five honorary degrees; was named Man of the Year by Time magazine in 1963; and became not only the symbolic leader of American blacks but also a world figure. At the age of thirty-five, Martin Luther King, Jr., was the youngest man to have received the Nobel Peace Prize. When notified of his selection, he announced that he would turn over the prize money of $54,123 to the furtherance of the civil rights movement. While we might not be a Martin Luther King Jr., we too have dreams and can act on them to improve our lives and those lives around us. With the New Year upon us, it is both a time for reflection and a time for anticipation to begin anew. Did you accomplish what you wanted in 2006? Now is the time to create your future. Martin Luther King Jr. also said, "It is what you do with your life that counts." I pose the question to you: "What do you want to do with your life?" I know our lives can get in a rut and we can forget how much of an impact we have on society and us. However, by taking the time to create some goals for the upcoming year you will find yourself more driven, excited and fulfilled. Let's get you started by looking at five tips to effective goal setting.
|
Other Articles
We will not share your email address.
|